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　　标题：TheScienceOfShyness
　　作者：AnnaMedarisMiller
　　原文链接：http：www。huffingtonpost。comentrythescienceofshyness5626b16be4b08589ef49887d
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　　WhenMarlaGenovaspreschoolpeeraccidentallysteppedonherhand，Genovacouldntstandtheattentionandquit。Mymomcouldntgetmetocomeback，remembersthenow37yearoldresearcheratYaleUniversitySchoolofMedicine。
　　ThatsGenovasearliestmemoryofbeingshy，butfarfromtheonlymemory。Inkindergarten，shewouldnttalktoanybody。Inmiddleschool，shehadherfirstpanicattack。Inhighschool，sheaskedteacherstomovehertolowerlevelclasses，whereshewaslesslikelytohavetogivepresentations。Throughtheyears，shedintentionallyforgethergymclothessoshecouldsitonthesidelinesinsteadofparticipating。Shedroppedcollegeclassesthatwouldntexemptherfrompublicspeakingandtoldprospectiveemployersshewouldnttakethejobifitmeanttalkinginfrontofothers。Thisideaofpeoplewatchingmemademeveryanxious，shesays。
　　ItwasntuntilGenovagotscreenedforanxietyincollegethatshelearnedshewasntjusttimidshehadsocialanxiety。Iwentinandnailedthattest，shesays。
　　Socialanxietydisorder，whichaffectsabout15millionAmericans，isapsychiatricdiagnosischaracterizedbytheextremefearofbeingscrutinizedandjudgedbyothersinsocialorperformancesituations，accordingtotheAnxietyandDepressionAssociationofAmerica。
　　Shyness，ontheotherhand，isamoresubjectivelabeldescribingpeoplewhowanttointeractwithothers，butcantdosocomfortably，saysKoralyPerezEdgar，anassociateprofessorofpsychologyatPennsylvaniaStateUniversity，whereshestudiesshynessandsocialanxiety。Morethan60percentofparentsthinktheirteensareshy，andabouthalfofteenscallthemselvesshy，accordingtoa2011studyinthejournalPediatrics。
　　Ifyoureshy，youmightbelike，IwishIcouldparticipatemore，orIfeelheldbackandthisisuncomfor，Genovasays。Wheresocialanxietyisrampantinyourhead：Whatswrongwithme？WhycantItalk？Willthisgoaway？PeoplearegoingtothinkImstrange。Imgoingtowalkawayandworryaboutthisfordays。
　　WhySoShy？
　　Asmanyparentsknow，twokidsfromthesamegenepoolcanhaveverydifferentpersonalities。Shyness，whichcansurfaceinchildrenasyoungas1yearold，isnoexception，saysJohnWalker，aprofessorintheDepartmentofClinicalHealthPsychologyattheUniversityofManitobaanddirectorofSt。BonifaceGeneralHospitalsAnxietyDisordersProgram。
　　Somechildrenandyoungpeoplearequiteshyanduninhibited，andothersareveryboldandoutgoing，hesays。Theresgoodevidencetheresastronggeneticcomponent。
　　InPerezEdgarswork，forexample，shesfoundsomekidsseemtobebiologicallypredisposedtobackingawaywhentheydontunderstandorcantcontroltheworldespeciallythesocialworldaroundthem。Toddlerswhopayparticularattentiontothingstheyconsiderthreateningsay，interpretingsomeonesdivertedglanceasdisapprovalorevenbeingespeciallywaryofajackintheboxarelesslikelytogrowoutoftheirshynessanddevelopanxiety，her2011studyintheJournalofAbnormalChildPsychologyfound。
　　Itsadaptiveandnormalforpeopletobeonthelookoutforthreatsintheirenvironment，whethertheybephysicalorsocial，becauseyouwanttoprotectyourself，shesays。Butifyouhaveanindividualwhoseeksoutthreatstoomuchorhasalowthresholdforwhattheyconsiderthreateningtheyremorelikelytowithdrawandlookshy。
　　Environmentmatters，too。Parentswhoaretooharshoroverprotective，forexample，canboosttheirchildrensoddsofgoingfromshytosociallyanxious。Kidswhohavejustoneortwogoodfriends，ontheotherhand，arelikelytogrowupintowelladjustedadults，PerezEdgarsays。
　　Theresahugecomponentfromtheenvironmentandwhatactuallyhappenstothechildoverthecourseofdevelopment，shesays。
　　SayGoodbyetoShy
　　Beingshyisntabadthing。Sometimes，itcanbeanasset。Forexample，shypeoplecanbecomegreatlistenersorgoodatreadingothers，Walkersays。
　　Still，itsimportantforkidstolearnhowtobecomforinteractingwithothersinordertodowellinschool，succeedintheworkforceandevenmaintainphysicalandmentalhealthbyhavinganetworkofpeopletocallonforsupport，Walkersays。Ifyouseeyourchildisveryshy，itreallyisworthworkingonhelpingthemtobuilduptheirconfidencebecauseyourabilitytorelatetopeoplereallytiesintosuccessinsomanyareasoflife，hesays。
　　Herearefivewaystohelpashychildbecomeasuccessfuladult：
　　1。Checkyourexpectations。
　　Yourchilddoesnthavetobethelifeoftheparty，captainofthefootballteamorthemostpopularkidinschool，PerezEdgarsays。Instead，parentsshouldaimforchildrentobehappyandtobeabletointeractwithotherswhentheywantto。
　　Soifyourkidpreferstoplayquietlyaloneorwithoneortwoothers，oravoidslargesocialgatherings，thatsperfectlyfineiftheyrehappyandtheyrefunctioningandtheyfeelgoodaboutthemselves，PerezEdgarsays。Itonlybecomesaproblemifyouseethatitlimitsthemortheyresadaboutoriftheyresomehowfeelingbadaboutthemselves。
　　2。Interveneearly。
　　Shynessrarelydevelopsinadulthood，althoughlifeexperiencescanmakesomeonemorereservedorisolated，PerezEdgarsays。Ifyouseeanadultwhossociallyanxious，theymostlikelywereasociallyanxiouschild，shesays。
　　Thatsoneofthereasonsitsagoodideatokeepacloseeyeonshychildren，gentlypushingthemtoacceptaplaydate，joinasportsteamorcallafriend。Walker，whocoauthoredthebookTriumphOverShyness，urgesparentstolimitscreentimesothatkidslearntointeractwithpeoplefacetoface。Evensimplysendinglittleonestodaycarecanhelpwardofffuturesocialanxiety，PerezEdgarsays。Thathelpsthemrealizethattheycaninteractwithpeopleandthatevenifonedaysomethingbadhappens，thenextdayitsgoingtobeOK，shesays。
　　Bettertheyrealizethatastoddlersthanasteens，wheninterventionsbecomemorecomplicated，sheadds。Dealingwitha5yearoldindaycareissomucheasierthanthe15yearoldinthetherapistsoffice，shesays。
　　3。Takebabysteps。
　　Ifsteponeisorganizingaplaydateforyourchild，steptwoisntinvitingtheentireclassoverforasurpriseparty。Youdontthrowtheminthedeependofthepool，butyoudohelpthemgetinthewater，PerezEdgarsays。Theyhavetogetwet。Andtheeasierandthemoreoftentheygetwet，inthesenseofexperiencingthesocialenvironmentandrealizingthatitsnotnecessarilythreatening，thebetter。
　　Walkersuggestslinkingthesocialactivitytoarewardbyoffering，forinstance，tohelpyourchildmakeapizzaifheorsheinvitesafriendorlettingyourchildchooseatreatfromthebakeryifheorsheordersitwithoutyourhelp。Genovasaystellingkidstheyonlyhavetogotothebirthdaypartyforahalfhourcanmaketheadventurefeelsafer。Anythingisbetterthannothing，sheadds。Dontletthemgetoffthehook，shesays。
　　4。Knowitgetsbetterwithtime。
　　Aspeopleage，theyusuallylearnhowtodealwithvarioussituationsandfindtheirniche，sociallyandprofessionally。Luckily，timeandexperiencedoesalot，PerezEdgarsays。Whenkidsgoofftocollege，theymightclickforthefirsttimewithotherstudentswhohavesimilarinterests。Whentheygetintotheworkingworld，theymayfindtheyexcelatmoreindependentprofessions。
　　Thenotionisnottomakeashychildintothesocialsalespersonwholivesoncommissionthegoalistofindtheirniche，PerezEdgarsays。Iftheirnicheisbeinganaccountantoranacademicinthelab，thatiswonderful。
　　5。Gethelp。
　　AfterGenovalearnedshehadsocialanxietydisorderincollege，shewasreferredtoagrouptherapyprogram，whereshefinallyfeltunderstood。Itwasamazingnottofeelaloneanymore，shesays。TheywereasscaredasIwas。
　　Theprogramusedcognitivebehavioraltherapytoteachparticipantshowtochangetheirnegativethoughtpatterns。Theyalsohadtocompleteassignmentssuchasaskingaquestioninclassorcallingafriendforcoffee。ThemoreGenovadidit，theeasieritbecame。Irealizedhowirrationalmythoughtswere，shesays。Mybehaviorendedupchangingasaresult。
　　Today，shestillhassomesymptomsofsocialanxiety，butitsnolongerholdingherback。Shesledtrainingsessionsatwork，studiestreatmentsforanxietyprofessionallyandlaunchedawebsitetoraiseawarenessforsocialanxietyanddirectotherstosupportgroups。SheevengaveaToastmastersspeechandwent10minutesovertheallottedtime。Ifeltontopoftheworldafterthatspeech，shesays。
　　Herpersonallifehaschanged，too。Whenshemethernowhusband，sherefusedtogotooneofhisannualworkoutingsforfearofhiscolleaguesjudgment。Butoverthepastfewyears，shesgonetoeveryone。Ihavetheabsolutebesttimeofmylife，shesays。