Ofallthemisconceptionsaboutlove,themostpowerfulandpervasive(普遍深入的)isthebeliefthatfallinginloveisloveoratleastoneofthemanifestations(显现,表示)oflove。M。SCOTTPECK Peoplewhoaremarriedorincommittedrelationshipsarehealthier,wealthier,andhappier。Sowhydomorethan60percentofmarriagesendinporce?Whyhasthenationalporcerateclimbedmorethan200percentinthelastthirtyyears?Andwhyarefewerpeoplegettingmarriedtodaythaneverbefore? Theanswerstothesequestionsareplentiful,butthemainreasonissimple。Itseasytofallinlove,butveryfewpeopleknowhowtostayinlove。Eventhoughstayinginloveisoursmartestchoiceallthewayaround!Recentstudiesonmarriageproveitsoneofthemajoringredients(成分,因素)inlifelongsuccessformenandwomen。Itlengthenslife,substantiallyboosts(推进)physicalandemotionalhealth,andraisesincomeoverthatofsingleorporcedpeopleorthosewholivetogether,reportedanarticleintheNewYorkTimes。Marriagehasalsobeenfoundtoboosthappiness,reducethedegreeofdepression,andprovideprotectionfromsexuallytransmitteddiseases。 Soletswakeup,makeup,andturnthistrendaround!Oneofthemoststartling(令人吃惊的)piecesofevidencethatshowspeoplearenotintouchwith(了解的情况)whatsreallygoingonintheirpartnershipsisthefactthatthemajorityofpeoplewhofile(v。提出申请)forporcesaytheydidntthinktherewasarelationshipthreateningproblemjustsixmonthspriortobreakingup。Anothershockeristhatmostcoupleswaitsixyearsormoretoseekprofessionalhelpwhentheirrelationshipisindanger。Bythetimetheydowakeupandsmellthecoffee,itsoftentoolate。 Trulythereisnoreasontoresignyourselftoabadrelationship?whetheryouredatingormarried。Ratherthanchangingpartnersandendingupthissamepredicament(困境)again,youcanlearntohaveafabulousrelationshipwiththepartneryoualreadyhave!Istronglyencourageyoutomaketherelationshipyouhavework,becausethereisahigherrateofporceandadulteryinsecondmarriages。 Gettingridofyourpartnerdoesnotgetridoftheproblem,becausehalfoftheproblemisyours。Youcanwalkoutonyourmarriage,butyoucantrunawayfromyourself,nomatterhowhardyoutry!Ratherthanblamingeachother,couplescanlearnhowtoworkasateamandcoacheachotherthroughthetroubledtimesandpowerstruggles。Todothis,youmustcreateasaferelationshipsoyoucanexpressyourneedsandfearsandeffectivelyresolveangerandconflict。Morerelationshipsbreakupbecausepeopledontknowhowtovalidate(验证)eachother(thatfrustrationescalatestobecomeanger)thanforanyotherreason。Thisistrulyashame,becausetheskillsforfightingfairareveryeasytomasterwithjustalittlepracticeandpatience。 Oneofthebiggestcausesofunresolvedangerbetweenpeopleisalackofunderstanding。Menandwomenhavedifferentstrengthsandweaknesses,differentwaysofexpressingourselves,anddifferentchildhoodwoundsthatweretryingtoheal。Whileitmayseemlikewerefromdifferentplanetsweareactuallyverymuchalikewhenitcomestoourneedanddesireforloveandintimacy。Weonlybehavedifferentlyinourquestsfor(追求,探索)closeness。Stopdoingwhatyouthinkisfairorrightandstartdoingwhatworks!Itsnotaboutworkingharderitsaboutworkingsmarter。